Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
