she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
