Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I cut my penus on the lid.
worst night to have a conscience
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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