Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
