dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
