we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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