and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
