I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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