I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
