Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
