I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
