I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
