Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
