Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
