I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
