Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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