Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
