YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
