One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
