no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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