is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
