Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
