She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
