the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
