3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
