I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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