AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
