how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
