dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
