AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
