I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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