your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
