bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
