These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
