What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I look better un-naked...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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