Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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