I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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