Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
