1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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