that's an acceptable place to lick
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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