Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
