there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Randomize
