Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
