He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
