I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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