the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
