dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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