she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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