my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
