party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
