I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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