omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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