I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
